Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
