CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
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