Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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