just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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