New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
my poor anus
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Randomize
