the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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