It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Randomize
