If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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