shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
