You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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