I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
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