there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
