i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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