My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
