96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I have already put on my inside pants.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
