I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
