Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
