Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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