totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
