That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
