dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
He keeps bees of course he's weird
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
