thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
