I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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