I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
No subtext here. People are naked.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I just blew my weed a kiss
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
