I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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