She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
