Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
