the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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