I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
