After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Randomize
