I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
