Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Randomize
