At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
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