Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
So I just went to clothing optional bar
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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