I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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