apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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