Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
