What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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