I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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