whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize