so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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