Please, let me fuck your mom
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
