I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
