My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
