And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
