I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
