There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
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