Define "chronic" masturbator.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize