I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
