I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
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