i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
