What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
