I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
