sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
