dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
