I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
