i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
