who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
