oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
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