So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
zippers are such a cool invention
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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