Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
