I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
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