What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
