Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
