The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
