I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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