so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
