dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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