Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
