hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
she told me i tasted like america
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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