I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
