please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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