Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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