Will you blow on my dice?
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Randomize
