I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
