Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
