Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Fuck me I smell like cheese
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