lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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