Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize