Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
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