he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
