He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
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