Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
My legs feel like baby dolphins
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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