apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
