OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize