I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Why can't burritos get me drunk
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize
