I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
