bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Randomize
