someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
