I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
