Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
