woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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