i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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