You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize