I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
