Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
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