I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
