I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
