I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
